broken fingers

perhaps it is the fingers, more than the heart, which are broken. disenchanted or disengaged - who would know which(?) - they remain motionless in the midst of a spiritual riot. nothing to note. no typing to do.
long fingernails, born only of neglect, break further into the fluidity of connecting heart to screen. blood-pumping passion to the digit's tip. when my dog died I wanted to name everything "Finger". She wore her name like water wears oxygen and simply was. no meaning made of it from her. simple joy. love. i thought if i could place her in the title of things - a web-site, a blog, another dog - a squirrel....then maybe the legend of "Dedo", el perro, would live on beyond the loud and quiet places of my soul.
i throw too many words around that defy interpretation - soul, heart, love, spiritual - deciding at times whether to become a preacher or a natureopath - a surgeon or an envelope - a noun.
i will tell you from where all my broken promises come....the written word. you could not imagine the times i have given my solemn oath to write - every day - every week - every month - every every one can put in front of time - and every every i have also failed to do the same. liar. cheater. slug.
psych 101 sys fear of failure fear of success fear of blah blah blah blah blah
but i say fear of nothing more than. that's right, ".". period. lazy tired bored indulgent gluttonous weak. time steals nothing but what we offer up to it and it would seem so much easier to go with the flow of molecules around me than to fight back down and into the heart of the matters being avoided and dislodged.
i am no philosopher so i quit right there.
move to eat some mangos - correct a typo. chew.
i think it would be so interesting if the world were as full of good listeners as it is with good talkers.
musical earrings on golden ears. the flowering lotus inside the drum.
my mouth is a marathon runner. my ears, the 5k. occasionally a sprint.
even here i have babbled a thousand darlings
not foregoing fear
and i have forgotten to mention the earthquakes.
god bless one and all - this beautiful planet, our brothers and sisters,
one's self.